How I felt about it. Ever consider the psychological outcome of getting crippled? It's actually a common movie theme: The Men (1950), The Best Years of Our Lives (1946), Born on the Fourth of July (1989), Coming Home (1977). Several among this list are classics, which demonstrates the power of dealing with physical loss. And we haven't even discussed various blind-themed films.
You've heard about the seven stages of death (denial, acceptance, etc.) A similar journey is made by those who become paralyzed. Dreams of recovering fade to the bright, dull light of day. Coping is problematic. You can't readily earn a living, and you're dependant upon others. Loved ones treat you differently, or worse, withdraw.
This is not a problem for Stoltz, whose girlfriend/lover remains eager for him, even though he's become a jerk. This relationship is also similar to that of prior films, particularly The Men, which has good girl Teresa Brewer putting up with sulking paraplegic Marlon Brando. The hostility caused by misfortune must be vented.
But the worse you have it, the less you respond with anger. Paralyzed Wesley Snipes is diminished to a loveless nursing home existence. In his attempts to stay upbeat, he tells lies, particularly about his past conquests of women. The painful truth is that his wife dislikes him, and refuses contact except to agree to a divorce.
I can understand why someone would be selfish enough to seek a divorce from someone who is now crippled. People will act in their own interests. More difficult to understand is the character of a beautiful young woman who tries to rebuild a binding romantic relationship to the newly paraplegic (and newly embittered) man.
This must be the Florence Nightingale syndrome. Someone is hurting, you can help, you get involved. You keep trying, because you know that deep down inside, he truly loves you, but can't properly show it. Perhaps because he doesn't want you to throw away your life on account of his wasted life (according to his thinking). Of course, such a noble sacrifice on his part would be to prevent your own noble sacrifice (of not get getting blissful sex from a third party).
It's certainly complicated. And it's been hashed out before, although every film is different in its own way. The Waterdance differs in that the relationship is not fully resolved. Stoltz goes to an accessible apartment. Hunt won't leave her husband, but will keep seeing him.
Everyone benefits partly from this arrangement. Hunt has two men, Stoltz has needed space, and the cuckold husband retains a part-time wife. And doesn't have to suffer the indignities and cost of a divorce.